Yesterday, we were overly blessed and showered with presents, support, and love as we celebrated Zayden’s soon to be arrival into the world. And I am so thankful and fully reminded how many people love us and little man!
As many friends know, baby showers are not my thing… I’ve avoided them most of my adult life, usually by being “busy” and just sending a present to support my friends little one. When in all honesty, I just never could muster up the courage to go to someone’s shower and not lose myself in it. For years and years, we had tried to conceive and year after year we were invited to baby showers for others. It sounds absolutely selfish (I know), but have you ever been to a baby shower? So much love and support is showered over the new mom-to-be, most people bring their kids, and then you have people asking you when you’re having children and anyone that has been in the same boat as us…. You go to the things and your heart just aches. It aches in excitement for your friend, but also aches in biterness, sadness, unwanted jealousy and sometimes anger. Emotions spiraling from everyone else can seem to get pregnant, but you can’t seem to keep a viable pregnancy past 12 weeks. It hurts. But you suck it up because you love your friend and you suffer silently as you try and just get through the shower, leaving at the first available opportunity. Then you leave and you’re overwhelmed with selfishness and guilt, because that shower and that day aren’t about you…it’s a celebration for someone else. I would come home defeated. I would be moody, sulk and let all these ugly emotions consume me. So Jason and I decided, I would be the most supportive friend from afar. I could send a gift, I could shower them with love and prayer and I didn’t need to put myself (or my husband) through the hours and days of crappiness after the fact.
Which brings me to yesterday…. We didn’t want to have a baby shower. We are overly (I can’t express this enough, overly thrilled) that Zayden is healthy and coming into this world soon and we wanted to celebrate. I just didn’t want to put anyone else through the heart ache and agony that I’ve experienced at past showers. I did my best to not have a shower and refused the offers when they came and we thought throwing a BBQ Celebration would be a good way of celebrating, without the shower. And of course, the amazing friends we have came and showered us with gifts and love! And today my heart is full. I know I’m probably experiencing some pregnancy emotions, but I also know God couldn’t have blessed us anymore than He already has. He’s showered us with love and support from family and friends and sweet Baby Z. He showered us, whether we thought we needed a shower or not. I don’t know what we did or why He thinks we deserve all of this but we are so grateful. I’m so thankful He always knows what we need and He provides.
To all our family and friends that celebrated with us….thank you, you’ve overflowed this cup of mine!