Confession…

Alright, time for a confession that I feel pretty guilty about and have struggled with finding words to explain it and not feel so petty.  Pregnancy has been a little tough, my mood swings are pretty intense and my overall demeanor is down, very down.

At first, I contributed my attitude and actions to a lack of sleep or working 5 weeks straight with no day or evening off (literally, I’m going on 6 weeks straight).  I have also blamed putting too much on my plate and not saying “no” enough.  I have stressed about significant workload, dirty house, gaining weight and not feeling comfortable in my own skin.  I have slipped on my exercising, meditation, time with God and eating healthy (granted, I eat pretty healthy still but I’ve let some things slip back into my meals that aren’t usually there and aren’t the best choices).  But really….I’ve just taken this stage in pregnancy for granted.  Unfortunately.

Why can’t I be thankful for  this stage?  Why do we always focus on the negative and forget about all the positives?   Our human minds can be stupid like  that.  It is almost comical to me to think for years, we prayed and prayed for God to finally bring a child into your life, and He grants it time and time again but you continually have loss after loss.  So you refocus and pray for Him to bless you with a child, one you can hold and have and stay with you here on Earth and He blesses us with a 24 week little miracle at the moment and all I can focus on how uncomfortable I am?  That doesn’t sound right…nor does it sound like me. It is as if I am an outsider looking in and I can’t seem to control what’s going on with me, but it’s happening and it’s pretty sad that is constantly where my mind goes.  So again, refocusing this week.

Embracing the little moments and difficulties and being oh so thankful for each and every one of them, because if I wasn’t experiencing them then my heart would be shattered again.  So I am changing a few things in our life to keep me focused and appreciative and experiencing the joy of uncomfortableness during this process.  ❤️ Here it goes:

-Cutting out the junk (junk food, junk tv, junk relationships)

-Refocusing the most stressful areas of my life. For example, my day job is stressful (everyday) and this isn’t something I can simply “cut” out of so I am refocusing how I perceive this job, our wedding photography business, and other areas of our life that are raining down stress.

-Spending time in the word.  Jumping back into it and spending time every day, no exceptions.  We have the ability to access everything on our phones, iPads, computers, through a friend, through podcasts and radio…there is no reason I shouldn’t be diving in daily.

-Making exercising a priority.  I need back on that bandwagon that I love so much… I need it back in my life, not just for me but for healthy little boy.

-Doing yoga and meditation a daily occurrence…if I can’t do one or the other on a day, I can feel the difference in my actions and attitude but incorporating it helps me take a moment to slow down.

-Saying no.  Sorry friends, I’ve said no to alot of things lately and some of it has probably affected our relationship but I can’t put Baby Zayden’s health over some activity or event.  Hopefully you’ll understand some day.

-Giving thanks every day!  Every single day, being thankful. Because we have sweet baby boy who is active all day, growing at a great rate and he will be here before we know it!  I am thankful! ❤️

-Getting more Vitamin D, aka some sunshine! ☀️ I’ve been cooped up for a little too long and need some extra sunshine in my life.

-Taking a break.  Ya, I said it so now I have to follow through.  I’m going to take a mini break…time is to be determined but it will happen, soon.

-And lastly, taking pictures of our journey again. Out of frustration and exhaustion, I stopped taking pictures of this process and I am completely regretting it, so I’m picking it back up and following through with continuing this project.

To sum it up, pregnancy can be hard but God doesn’t give us what we can’t handle and this is such an incredible blessing (not a struggle) that I can handle!  And will experience the joy that comes with it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

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