Today is one of those days…

I don’t know what’s going on with my mindset or my body for that matter….everything is different, and nothing is incredibly comfortable.  Those much farther along than me, don’t scoff…I’ll get to your point and probably look back and laugh at this comment later.  But this weekend, I was on my feet more than I have been the past 3 months, and I feel much different after that.  I’m not sure if it’s a “different” like more aware of your body changing different or “different” hey there’s something going on different.

I could spend my time worrying nonstop, but I’m doing my best not to.  My nurse called me back today to answer some questions I had about some soreness, and she didn’t have a good answer for me, but to keep watch over it.  That never makes a girl feel too great about it.  BUT I’ll do just that, I’ll keep watch, and pray, pray, pray, and be patient.  I told my husband today, I’m not sure if this is God’s way of saying, “Hey, I know you’re not a super patient person, so let’s work on this.  In the meantime, trust me.”  He says this to me about 15,000 times a day, so it wouldn’t surprise me if that is exactly why I’m experiencing the feelings and soreness that I am.  OR, the other part of my mind wanders back to July 2015 when we were overly excited about our pregnancy and one day I woke up feeling different.  We had a wedding in Mexico in 2 weeks, and we didn’t have our next doctor’s appointment til we came back and I knew something was wrong.  I had to basically beg my old doctor to see me, so I could be assured everything was ok before we traveled.  Sure enough, we went in and just an empty sac.  Everything was not ok, my gut thought was right.  I truly wish my mind didn’t go back to this place with every ache or different sensation.  I wish we could do what everyone tells us and enjoy the moment and stop worrying.  It’s just easier said than done.  After this entire process, my mind doesn’t instantly jump to happiness like it used to.  I would LOVE for it to. TRUST ME, but it doesn’t function like that during this stage of life.

So maybe you’re thinking, well go make an appointment and find out.  Thing is, I could, but it wouldn’t stop anything from happening or not happening.  Everything could look ok then something goes wrong the following day.  I’m not in control of this.  If I was, we’d have probably 7 healthy babies on earth and all my friends / family / infertile myrtles would not have any struggles with having babies.  However, I’m not in control, and I’m given this path, and I have to trust it.  Trust Him and pray my worries will be taken away from me.  So dear God, please take these worries from me.

I know it may just be one of those days…because those days happen when you’re just tired enough and baby is just moving around enough for you to feel a little uncomfortable…. and things just don’t seem to fit just right.

Sorry for the debbie downer moment, I am overly, incredibly thankful for everything we have gone through and experiencing.  My cup is full of love for our little one along the way, I just felt it was important to express what I was feeling today.  I’m trying to be open here, for those going through the same thing can feel like what they’re going through are completely normal thoughts (or as normal as my thoughts are).  It is not always bad, it isn’t always good, sometimes it’s just one of those days…

EDIT:  I had major worries earlier this morning, went about my day and then read my devotion for the day and the verse my devotion was based around was: “He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother.  Praise the Lord.”  Psalms 113:9.  This is a very general devotion app I have that covers all different topics, but this was my topic today.  Whenever I wrote this blog post, I failed to remember this devotion I had today….went back and reread it after my blog post and was sweetly reminded that God is always listening.  Just in case you ever questioned it yourself…

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