Where is my joy…

I have been sitting here all evening trying to figure out why I wasn’t over the moon ecstatic for our news on our sweet little one today. Let me first state, I am over the moon ecstatic!!  I cried happy tears, trust me.  Yet, something just didn’t feel right.  I tried to explain it to J, but he told me I just need to get out of my head.  Which, I am sure I probably need to do, but my joy still feels a little stifled.  

Then it hit me….Charlie, my pup, jumps on my stomach and I was quickly reminded that my joy feels a little stifled because we lost a little one.  Maybe it wasn’t today, but we found out today.  We need to mourn, we need time to process, and we need to remember that sweet one that didn’t make it.  Mourn happiness & gratefulness though, because not everyone gets this opportunity to have a little one, let alone little ones.  We are incredibly lucky to have (now) five little ones in heaven.  And for that we are so so thankful.  Just I also need just a second of mourning…. so my joy can be overflowing for the little sibling we still do have!  

Dear joy…I can’t wait to see you and thankful to celebrate with you soon!

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