A little flicker…

I wrote something as I was in the doctors office when I was trying to keep my cool while I sit there, lay there, sit back up, move around in nervousness…

Before: “Today.  I’m scared.  Scared I am by myself.  Scared in general.  Overcome with emotion and trying to take deep breaths to chill myself out and the doctor hasn’t even come in yet.”
After: “Today, I am scared, nervous, unsure, and wish I felt overwhelmed with joy, but that part is kinda missing for some reason.”

I should be overwhelmed with joy, and I am joyful and thankful (Thank you God, this was all you!) Thankful because we had a little flicker of a heartbeat today! Yay!   I didn’t get to hear the heartbeat today but I got to see it flicker just a smidge.  And our two embryos have turned to one little one, which is a little sad to think we lost another one, but we do have one flicker of a heartbeat, and for that we are so so thankful!

I feel a little relief, but mostly nerves and wonder if we can make it to 8 weeks.  Praying I can keep thoughts like that out of my head and focus on only good, positive thoughts for this little one because he or she deserves it!  Little fighter they are deserve good thoughts, so that is what I’ll be doing the next 2 weeks.. 
PS J is celebrating from India! 😂

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