That has pretty much been where my head has been from the beginning. Today is no different. We had the HCG test done today and before I went inside, I selfishly prayed, “Dear Lord, I know it isn’t my call but if I am going to miscarry, please let me know now with this test, please don’t let me get my hopes up and then I miscarry.” I know, I know…it is a selfish prayer, I just didn’t think I could handle having high hopes again and then a loss…again. If we were going to experience another loss, I wanted to deal with it upfront. As I walked inside to get my test done, I thought to myself, I know you don’t work like this Lord, I know. Took a breath and said a prayer. Let’s do this.
So, test came out positive! I had a 71 pregnancy hormone level. Yay! Yay! Yay! So exciting and of course, hopeful and optimistic…..cautiously optimistic. You see, I’ve been here before. I have miscarried a few times. I miscarried when my level was a 61. Of course, this is a little too close for comfort. But we are pregnant. They consider your test positive if your levels are between 50-500, so our little superhero(es) are a little lower than I would like to see them, but they are still there. We are testing again Monday and Wednesday to insure my levels are going up. The nurse told me we would know more Monday and to “Hang in there.” Cringe. Not exactly the words I wanted her to end our call with.
Hanging in there, being patient, staying calm, praying and being excited in a very caution manner. We can officially say we have been blessed again with another life(s) and praying they continue to grow and be strong, just like the little superhero(es) they are. ❤