Learning experience

I had a little spotting today.  I know that can be common, I also know that it can mean things aren’t working out (to my hopes).  Maybe this is a learning experience.  Maybe God is telling me I’m much stronger than I think and He’s teaching me something bigger.  So I’ve decided to make a list of things I have learned throughout this process.

  • I can take a shot like a champ. Seriously though.
  • My patience is very thin.  I mean, I’ve known this my entire life, but I realized it is time to stop making excuses for it, and time to actually do something about it.
  • Some people just won’t show up. This is kind of sad, but I get it.  There are so many people there for us, but a few that I was sure would be there are just a little MIA. I read an article this morning about this exact subject and it made me realize that it is pretty common.  Maybe we’re all just pretty selfish in this world and we expect too much out of others.  Which leads me to my next one…
  • I’m a little selfish and I expect too much!  My husband is #1 person to experience this (pray for him).  I really didn’t think I was, but I am.  I feel like I’m doing all these shots and taking all these meds and I should get a little extra credit or something.  Apparently, it doesn’t work like that.
  • When you want something so badly, you can will your body into thinking it has it, when it definitely may not.
  • My hubs is patient, not all the time but 95% of the time and he’s pretty freaking awesome all together!
  • No one’s IVF experience will ever be the same.  Everyone has different meds, different schedules, and no two experiences are similar. We are all created so uniquely, that everyone that goes through IVF is completely different than the next person’s.  Mind blowing.
  • True laughter is necessary. Every. Single. Day.  Not the fake laugh or smirk here and there, true, genuine laughter.
  • It’s a little difficult to be home at 8:00 on the dot for medications.  Your entire schedule changes and you have to shift your priorities to your medication.  Do you have enough time to eat out and make it back in time?  Can I run this errand before then? It’s an very interesting thing to always account for.  Maybe it’s prepping you for baby waking up at the most inopportune time.
  • Taking pictures of each moment and feeling (happy, upset, crying) is really eye opening for me.  One time I was lying on a floor, bawling, in a hotel room and Jason tried to comfort me and I said no…take a picture.  I need to remember this.
  • Being understanding is vital. You don’t have to do everything for someone, but to understand what someone is going through (the nerves, the emotions, the physical toll it takes) and how all of that affects them.  Affects their personality, their thoughts and how they react to simple things.  You and/or your loved ones will experience this.
  • You don’t want to do all the social activities. Man, I love to be out and about!  I don’t like to miss out on things… but I don’t care anymore. I want to lay down, rest, take it easy, and pray.
  • You share your story, and hundreds of others will share with you.  This is so powerful.  I’m blown away by the real relationships I’ve made by simply sharing our story. One friend, whom used to be a wedding client, that I really only talked to if I saw her / her family or through social media.  And now, we text each other almost every day and I truly care about her and her family. Not necessarily something I expected to happen.
  • My emotions are ALL over the place, all the time. I’ve teared up about 7 times as I’m typing this article lol.
  • You will never go to the bathroom and not wonder, “Will there be blood?” That is such a huge fear.  Yet, every time I sit down, this comes to my mind. Unfortunately, this morning there was a little.
  • Prayer is much more comforting than I’ve experienced in the past.  Maybe my prayers in the past have been selfish prayers, but it has developed into a much different experience.  It’s more about having a relationship with your Maker. I’m far from where I’d like to be, but praying that continues to develop.
  • Speaking of prayer, it doesn’t always have to be love-love prayer.  You can be mad at God, you can question Him, but you have to let it go and TRUST Him.  Again, it’s about that relationship.
  • Packing to travel is much more complicated.  Pack enough needles, and back ups, meds, and other small items you normally don’t have to worry about.
  • We are absolutely, 110% not in control.  
  • His way is the best way.  I may not understand it.  I may question it and I likely will argue with it, but His way truly is the best way.

I guess that sums it up for now, I’ll likely come back and edit this and add things as they come to mind.  Just a few things to consider if you and/or your loved one is going through IVF. I’ll continue praying this is more than just a learning experience, but for now I do not know and it is out of my control, and praying is what I can do.

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