Yesterday.  Yesterday was a little of a bumpy ride.  We were pretty shocked to find out our 13 healthy embryos were wittled down to almost nothing within a short 5 days.  I still don’t completely understand how that happens, but I know it happens.  My plans of implanting 2, freezing a handful for the future, and donating the rest to other couples struggling with infertility abruptly stopped in their tracks.  Hopes and dreams of what I thought would happen disappeared. And my heart was crushed.  

Yet, there is always a glimmer of hope in destruction and we prayed that we would understand and that we were thankful for this situation and experience we were going through.  It doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less, it just meant we knew we weren’t going through it alone and there is a plan for us. 

The doctors decided to push the transfer back 5 hours, in hopes the little ones may grow a little more, unlike they thought they would.  Two little ones did slightly, but their quality was so poor they didn’t even grade them.  Luckily, we were given the opportunity to discard the embryos or transfer, because freezing with their quality wasn’t an option.  Of course, we decided to transfer those two little ones and pray they would thrive in their home, my uterus.  Good thing my husband is part superhero and I know those little ones won’t give up easily.  They will fight.  They will grow.  They will be strong.

In the meantime, I’m just doing my best to be strong.  Cry if I need to, but not sit around and wallow in sadness.  Be strong, brave, positive, patient, level-headed and fearless. I mean, if two “poor” quality embryos can fight, I can too.


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