This past week I received word from two of my friends on their current Invitro status. One friend had received good news with a positive blood test (yay!!) Continuing to pray this friend receives good news throughout her pregnancy and that their little one keeps on growing!
Another friend received heart wrenching news that they had lost their 18 week old twin baby girls. Although, I have been through a similar situation a few times, I can’t imagine the pain and heart ache they are feeling right now, let alone try to relate to it. Praying for those sweet little ones in heaven and for the parents, as they experience something I wish on no one. It’s a pain that never goes away, but you eventually find comfort in knowing God is holding your little ones for you until you get to meet them.
I thought a lot about both mamas this week (and dads) and prayed so much over them and will continue to. I’ve also been reflecting on myself and our past story. The little ones that didn’t make it have constantly been on my mind and scares the hell out of me for this next outcome. I’ve been trying to find peace by knowing He is in control and He knows what we can and cannot endure. I just keep telling myself this over and over.
The other day in church, I was reminded again, we have no control over the situation, but we do the outcome. We sang, “It is Well.” It has always been a favorite song of mine, because the story behind the lyrics are so incredibly raw and powerful. If you aren’t familiar with the old hymn, I highly recommend it. Here’s a very brief synopsis of why the author was inspired to write these words. The hymn was written by Horatio Spafford, after he experienced multiple tragic events in his life. He endured losing his son, followed by the Great Chicago Fire of 1871 which destroyed his finances, and then the economic downturn caused him and his family to travel to Europe. He had sent his family to travel ahead of him and tragically their ship sank in the Atlantic. He had lost all four of his daughters that day. His wife did survive and as he traveled the same path to meet with his surviving wife, he had passed over where where his daughters had died, and he was swept over with inspiration to write these words in this song, “It is Well.” Powerful right? I mean, when I think of the ones we’ve lost, I don’t always get inspired to write songs, sometimes I feel the need to cuss or overwhelmed with sadness. However, he had chosen to write a song about it and it is very powerful. Again, highly recommend looking into it if you are not familiar with it.
There are days I question what God’s plan is. I may even argue with God on what he thinks I can or cannot handle. I do my best to keep my optimism to a minimal. I mean, I am bursting with excitement but at the same time, my heart hurts a little knowing this whole process can go either way. And no matter how this IVF (Round 1) goes, “It is Well” or maybe I should say, it will be well. He will be there with me, holding my hand the entire way. It will be well.