If only it was all sunshine and puppies..

If you see me out and I look a bit tired, that’s probably pretty accurate.  If my eyes are blood shot and it looks like I’m on drugs, your perception is correct.  If I am looking a little frazzled lately…well, I am.  

I mean, I met my husband for dinner before we head out of town for our next IVF appointment  bright and early at 7:30 am, and I happened to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and wowzers, I instantly classified myself as all of these things.  And then I got in the car and cried about a finger painting of a wet dog, if that explains my emotional state in the least bit. Ha.. 

The exhaustion is real…Not that it is realistic for really anyone to get 7-8 hours of sleep, but it is generally pretty difficult for me to hit 4-5 hours of sleep a night.  A couple of side effects from the meds are fatigue and insomnia.  Check and check.  On top of this, add 12 hours of driving to appointments within 4 days, sleeping in different environments, and sharing a bed with your mom and then 2 nights of sharing a bed with your nephews (big mistake)..all affect your sleep of course.  So, if I look a little tired…give me a break. 😴

If I appear to be drugged up, well maybe I am.  And yes, I am just talking about meds prescribed to me.  Give me that levothyroxine, lupron, birth control, gonal-f, mepro-something, etc.  These are just the ones I can remember off the top of my head.  Of course, they are just hormones or meds to assist in making the perfect environment to cute little fertilized eggs.  Clearly, it is necessary but it will sure mess with your emotions, how your body feels and looks physically, and how you react to basic things. Like a finger painting of a wet dog may just make you cry.. I still don’t know why I cried…was the dog just so happy I couldn’t handle it?  Was the picture so beautiful that I was overwhelmed? Or was it just because I am a dog obsessor and I just needed it. Ha…we will never know.

If I appear to be a little frazzled, well if the above didn’t explain my frazzlement enough… Add your normal daily stressors to it.  You’re emotions are high, your activities are limited, you are pumping your body with hormones on a daily basis all while trying to be level headed and appear “as normal as possible.”  So I don’t have to explain why I have a short temper, why I may laugh uncontrollably in the middle of a work day to avoid busting into tears (ya, that works for me a lot…occasionally it will backfire to full blown tears, so ha you never know).

Of course, none of these are complaints, just pure explanations of why I may look the way I do.  Although I appreciate your comments like, “You look tired,” just feel free to just keep that to yourself, because trust me, I know.  I am just a little busy making sure I make it through the day with all the things circling through this drugged up, emotionally unstable head of Mine exploding all over you.

 Instead of your comment, you can feel free to say a little prayer for J’s sanity for putting up with me, show me a puppy video, & give me a high five.  Those are all incredibly helpful! 😀 

Added to edit: Of course, my husband didn’t even seem to notice my frazzled-ness.  He makes me feel beautiful, no matter how I look or act.  God definitely knew what He was doing when He brought him into my life. 


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