Anticipation Station

IVF appointments are made, like made-made, not tentative like they have been for the past few months.  THEY ARE OFFICIAL.  I received the email about 5 am on Saturday morning and I couldn’t sleep.  My mind was racing with, “Can I do this?”  “Can we do this?” “Are we ready?” My mind was racing so much, I woke up my husband and told him the appointments were made and not really to my dismay, he rolled over and muttered something under his breath (probably like let me sleep woman).  So I lay there, just going through all the possibilities and I find myself incredibly excited and overwhelmed and shoot, I got excited and positive, didn’t I?

This entire process I’ve been pretty level-headed (minus the one evening I went MIA because I just needed to clear my head, but that’s a different story for a different day).  I’ve kept my sh!t together.  I’ve not been too optimistic and I haven’t been negative.  I have been realistic on what could happen but also what might not happen, and to trust God’s work and how His plan.  And now, here I am all excited about something that I really don’t have any control over.  As I knock myself down back to realistic stage, I spoke with a friend who has seriously been my rock.  I mean, I’ve so incredibly fortunate and have several rocks in my life.  I can’t explain how thankful I am for these people.  That said, one in particular told me to be excited.  “ENJOY EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF THE PROCESS!”  And she went on with so much wisdom in a single sentence, “Sometimes we get so caught up in what is trying to be accomplished, that we forget what is happening in front of us!  Every single embryo that survives is one of your babies! And that is amazing in itself!  What a wonderful thing to witness!  Life!” I read it a few times before it really sunk in, but she was right.  I don’t have control over the situation, but this process, I’m going to get excited about.  Maybe some think that’s crazy because we’ve already experienced 4 losses, why get all excited for it happening again.  OH that’s right, b/c you’re experiencing one of God’s greatest gifts…life.

And like that, I think I’m going to end it and let it all sink in for any of those that are struggling with this process.  Who are struggling to let go of the control, be excited but patient, be optimistic but realistic, there’s alot of things we should / shouldn’t be doing but whatever you do..enjoy the process.  Easier said than done, I know, but let’s try….

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