Well, not that it wasn’t already real. Considering, I just “pinned” to a secret board approximately 150 articles, “Do’s & Don’ts” and “Tips” for IVF & Adoption today, I guess you can say things are starting to get a little more real. Adoption papers will be signed this evening and overnighted tomorrow and I’m waiting on my doctor to call me back to schedule IVF appointments. Nothing like doing it all at once and not holding back right?
It’s a bit rattling if I’m being honest. So many things to do and take care of and that’s just in the house, not to mention all the foods I should eat. By the way, did you know pineapple is an implantation aid? Yup, apparently it is and I’ll be going to the store this evening and stocking up on my pineapple. And then there’s the schedule…my goodness, the schedule is what is probably going to be the most difficult. For those that know us well, we’re on the go, constantly. Besides this last weekend (NYE weekend) I can’t remember the last full weekend we didn’t have something planned out of town. And we have things booked personally & professionally for the next year. Therefore, determining when to schedule things is a little difficult and to know when to cancel already scheduled things will be even more difficult. But it’s totally worth it, I know this. Just a little rattling is all. I’m more than happy (well, I wouldn’t say happy) but I’m more than thankful to push forward in this process, because even if the outcome is not what I want, I know it’s in God’s plan.
Let’s talk about that for a second….this is the largest rattler of them all, the outcome. I realize the outcome is something I have no control over. I know I can make sure everything is perfect for our homestudy, but in the big scheme of things, the home study agent and family that picks / doesn’t pick us has more say in it than I’ll ever have. And IVF, well…..that’s another story. I have no control over that. I mean, I can eat healthy, I can exercise, I can cut out caffeine, certain cheeses, fish with mercury, alcohol, drugs (ha, just kidding, no drugs here guys); limit carbs; don’t over do it (whatever the hell that means) and oh getting 8 hours of sleep. I don’t know who came up with this 8 hours of sleep thing, but my body works on about 4-6 hours of sleep pretty well, 8 hours of sleep is pretty much an impossible goal for me. Anyways, beyond those things that COULD help, I have no control over if I have any embroyos, if the swimmers will survive, if the transfer will go well, if my body will do what it’s supposed to do. That is out of my hands, and completely in God’s hands. So to come home “empty handed” so to speak, will be difficult. It’ll be disheartening, and I’ll be broken I know. I fully trust the Lord and his path He has for me, just note that’s going to hurt.
On another note, my husband is very hopeful. So hopeful, he promised me another puppy if it is not successful. I’m pretty sure he’s banking on the transfer and everything going good.
Anyways, I don’t really know why I’m even writing today besides, sh*t got real today, and I’m just over here like…..what am I thinking, what am I thinking ….ok let’s do this. So…let’s do this.